Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person makes a victim doubt his or her perceptions or capabilities. It has gained popularity and normalization in recent years. 

Anyone – whether a peer, family member, spouse, or coworker – can perpetrate gaslighting, and it can be highly damaging, especially when the perpetrator holds a position of authority.

What is Gaslighting?

The term ‘gaslighting’ originated from the 1938 stage play called “Gaslight,” which was later adapted into a 1944 film featuring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. The story depicted how a husband manipulated his wife into believing she was crazy.

He deliberately made the gas-powered lights in the home flicker and consistently denied it when his wife brought it up. This caused her immense emotional suffering. Eventually, she left her abusive marriage for a man who assisted her in rediscovering her self-worth by affirming that her perceptions were valid and not just her imagination.

Gaslighting involves continuously planting seeds of self-doubt in a person’s mind. While it can occur as a one-time event, it can also manifest as sustained abuse, leading the victim to not recognize it in the initial stages.

Even the individual engaging in gaslighting is often unaware of how their behaviors are specifically affecting the target. Research indicates that such behavior may be linked to narcissistic personality disorder, with the perpetrator continuously seeking dominance over the other person and convincing them that their feelings are invalid.

The gaslighter seeks to gain power and control over the victim by undermining their confidence and sense of reality.

What Gaslighting Is Not

Gaslighting is different from other harmful behaviors such as:

• Manipulation
• Lying
• Disagreement
• Guilt-tripping (To try to manipulate the behavior of(someone) by causing feelings of guilt)
• Stonewalling (where one actively obstructs and delays the flow of information through uncooperative communication.)
• Ghosting (a strategy for ending relationships where communication abruptly stops without explanation. It’s typically done suddenly and unilaterally by one partner)
• Bullying
• Brainwashing
• Blackmailing
• Name-calling.

Types Of Gaslighting

There are three types of gaslighting behaviors:

• The “glamour” gaslighter makes their partner feel special by using flattery and gratification to exert control. The victim, in response, may normalize the behavior as a defense mechanism.

• The “good-guy” gaslighter aims to satisfy their own narcissistic needs and maintain a positive self-image. They may appear interested in their partner’s well-being but use support or encouragement as a subtle way to control them.

• The “intimidator” gaslighter demonstrates aggression more directly through harsh and frequent criticism or disapproval, leading their partners to feel despair and helplessness.

Examples Of Gaslighting

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, gaslighting can take various forms. Examples include:

Countering

Questioning someone’s memory to make them doubt themselves, like saying, “Are you sure? You have a bad memory.”

Withholding

Pretending not to understand or listen to make the person doubt themselves, such as saying, “You’re just confusing me.”

Trivializing

Belittling or disregarding someone’s feelings, like accusing them of being “too sensitive” or overreacting.

Denial

Refusing to take responsibility by pretending to forget, denying actions, or blaming others. Like Insisting that an event or conversation never happened.

Diverting

Changing the subject by questioning the other person’s credibility, like saying, “That’s just nonsense you read online.”

Stereotyping

Using negative stereotypes about gender, race, ethnicity, etc., to manipulate, such as claiming no one would believe a woman reporting abuse.

Psychological Impact of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can have profound effects on a victim’s mental health, leading to:

• Anxiety: Constant self-doubt and fear of making mistakes.
• Depression: Feeling hopeless, worthless, and overwhelmed.
• Low Self-Esteem: Doubting one’s abilities and worth.
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Experiencing severe anxiety, flashbacks, and emotional distress.

Gaslighting in Personal Relationships

In personal relationships, gaslighting often involves an imbalance of power. The gaslighter may be a partner, family member, or close friend who seeks to control the victim. Common signs include:

• Isolation: The victim is cut off from friends and family.
• Dependency: The victim becomes reliant on the gaslighter for validation and reality-checking.
• Emotional Manipulation: The gaslighter uses guilt, fear, and obligation to control the victim.

Gaslighting in the Workplace

Gaslighting is not limited to personal relationships; it can also occur in professional settings. Workplace gaslighting can involve:

• Undermining Performance: Questioning an employee’s competence or work quality.
• Blaming: Shifting responsibility for mistakes onto the victim.
• Exclusion: Leaving the victim out of important meetings or communications.

Recognizing Gaslighting

Recognizing gaslighting involves being aware of certain behaviors and patterns. Key indicators include:

• Pattern of Denial: Repeated instances where the gaslighter denies events or conversations.
• Inconsistencies: Frequent contradictions in the gaslighter’s stories or explanations.
• Emotional Reactions: The victim experiences heightened emotional responses such as confusion, frustration, or anger.

Coping with Gaslighting

Coping with gaslighting requires several strategies:

• Trust Your Perceptions: Keep a journal to document events and conversations to validate your experiences.
• Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist to gain perspective and support.
• Set Boundaries: Establish and maintain clear boundaries to protect your mental health.
• Professional Help: Engage with a mental health professional to develop coping strategies and rebuild self-esteem.

Summary

Gaslighting is a pervasive form of psychological abuse. The tactics include countering, withholding, trivializing, denial, diverting, and stereotyping. These tactics are used to make victims doubt their perceptions and reality. Gaslighting can happen in different relationships and contexts, such as intimate partnerships or workplace dynamics. hrough support, validation, and professional help, victims can regain their sense of reality and self-worth.

References

1. Kukreja, P., & Pandey, J. (2023). Workplace gaslighting: Conceptualization, development, and validation of a scale. Frontiers in Psychology, 14. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1099485 
2. MediLexicon International. (n.d.). What is gaslighting? examples and how to respond. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/gaslighting 
3. Miano, P., Bellomare, M., & Genova, V. G. (2021). Personality correlates of gaslighting behaviours in young adults. Journal of Sexual Aggression, 27(3), 285–298. https://doi.org/10.1080/13552600.2020.1850893 
4. Stern, R. (2018). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulations other people use to control your life. Harmony Books.