We often come across people who seem too insensitive, emotionally distant, or at times even hurtful. It is common to find successful, well-functioning adults who do not possess emotional maturity. We might feel frustrated and angry with them. In children, growing up with emotionally immature parents can lead to emotional loneliness and affect their future relationships. 

Dr. Lindsay Gibson, in her book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, states that it helps to understand emotional maturity so that we can accept emotionally immature people for their emotional shortcomings and develop more realistic expectations in relationships with them instead of feeling hurt by their lack of reciprocation.

Let’s try to understand the traits of emotionally immature people

What is Emotional Maturity

“Emotional maturity” means a person has an appropriate level of emotional control and expression. Emotionally mature people have the capacity to maintain deep emotional connections to others while being objective.

What are the Traits of Emotionally Immature People

They Are Stubborn

Emotionally immature people are rigid in their relationships. They are closed-minded and inflexible about their opinions. These people do not respect differences and tend to become defensive when people have differing opinions.

They do not handle stress well

These people are not good at dealing with stressful situations. They often tend to overreact and blame others for mistakes instead of admitting them.

They expect other people to comfort them by doing what they want. Medication or intoxicants like alcohol would be their next stop for comfort.

They make decisions based on What Feels Best

A mature person would consider all possible consequences before making a decision. Emotionally immature people, on the other hand, have childish instincts and do what feels best to them at the moment.

They do not think Objectively

Just like a child, it is difficult to logically explain a situation to an emotionally immature person. They assess situations based on their feelings as opposed to facts.

They Are Self-absorbed

These people are insecure and incapable of handling criticism. They are preoccupied with themselves and inconsiderate of others’ feelings.

They Like to Be the Center of Attention

People who lack emotional maturity dominate conversations and tend to make it “all about themselves”. They are self-referential and will divert whatever anyone says back to one of their own experiences.

They Have Low Empathy and Are Emotionally Insensitive

Empathy or the ability to resonate with other’s feelings is the necessity of any deep emotional relationship. Emotionally immature people lack this characteristic and have a tendency to avoid emotional intimacy and sharing even in their closest relationships.

What Causes Emotional Immaturity

Emotional immaturity makes it difficult for a person to be emotionally intimate with other people and deal with stress. But, there are reasons for them to be the way they are.

Often, emotionally immature people are from family environments where their full emotional and intellectual development was restricted. Because of this, they develop an oversimplified approach to life and rigid coping skills. This makes them self-centered and diminishes their ability to be sensitive to other people’s feelings.  Due to their reactive emotions, lack of objectivity, and fear of emotional intimacy close relationships with them are difficult.

Related: How To Develop Emotional Maturity

Summary

• It is common to find well-functioning adults who do not possess emotional maturity.
• Relationships with emotionally immature people are difficult.
• Emotionally immature people are stubborn, self-absorbed, do not handle stress well, make decisions based on what feels best like to be the center of attention, and lack empathy and sensitivity.

Reference: Gibson, L. C. (2022). Adult children of emotionally immature parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.