Do you often feel lonely despite being surrounded by people all day? No amount of socializing, internet surfing, or social media seems to fill that void. This feeling can leave us questioning our value to others and where in life we belong. Emotional loneliness might be at the core of these feelings.

What is Loneliness

Loneliness is a feeling that occurs when a person’s network of social relations is deficient in some important way. 

When one’s wishes and social expectations with regard to personal relationships are not met by their existing relationships, one tends to feel lonely. It can be either because one has fewer social contacts than one wants to have, or because the level of intimacy hoped for in relationships is not there. 

Even some people who are surrounded by people throughout the day or are in a long-lasting marriage may still experience deep loneliness. 

In general, social loneliness refers to the lack of a social circle of people that allows a person to develop a sense of belonging and of being part of a community whereas emotional loneliness refers to the absence of an attachment figure. 

Related: Loneliness: All You Need To Know

What is Emotional loneliness

Emotional loneliness originates from the absence of an intimate figure or a close emotional attachment. It is the state of feeling emotionally disconnected from the people around you or being unable to connect with them on a deep or meaningful level. 

Why does Emotional loneliness occur

One might feel emotional loneliness in adult life if their relationships in childhood were not nurturing enough. 

In the old times, it was believed that a parent’s responsibility is limited to providing food and shelter to a child. Much less importance was given to a child’s feelings. This kind of parenting which lacks binding experiences often leads to emotional deprivation. The child feels unseen and lacks social confidence.

Why does Emotional loneliness Feel So Bad

Staying in groups and bonding is a big part of human evolution. For our ancestors, it meant more safety, less stress, and better survival.

So, longing for a deep emotional connection and sad feeling of aloneness is coming not just from our individual history, but also from genetic memory. Just like us, our distant ancestors had a need for emotional closeness. 

Summary

• As humans, we have an inherent need to connect with others. 
• Emotional loneliness originates from the absence of an intimate figure or a close emotional attachment. 
• People who are surrounded by people throughout the day or are in a long-lasting relationship may still experience loneliness.
• It is important to know that emotional loneliness does not mean that an individual is unlovable and that with some effort it is possible to feel deeply connected to others. 

References:

1. Gibson, L. C. (2022). Adult children of emotionally immature parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

2. The roots of Loneliness Project. (n.d.). Retrieved February 10, 2023, from https://www.rootsofloneliness.com/