Perfectionism is frequently confused with the idea of ‘being perfect’ or ‘doing something perfectly,’ leading many to view it positively. However, others consider perfectionism to be a negative and embarrassing trait. The question then arises: is it a positive or negative quality?

Perfectionism entails imposing high standards on ourselves, significantly shaping our self-perception. Research has demonstrated that certain aspects of perfectionism can be beneficial, while others may be detrimental.

What is Perfectionism

Perfectionism consists of three fundamental components:

• The persistent pursuit of exceedingly high standards, both for oneself and/or others, which are personally demanding within the individual’s context. These standards are often perceived as unreasonable by outsiders given the circumstances.

• Evaluating one’s self-worth is predominantly based on the ability to strive for and attain these unrelenting standards.

• Enduring adverse consequences resulting from the imposition of such demanding standards, yet persisting in pursuing them despite the significant personal cost.

While it is generally beneficial to set high standards and have goals in life, perfectionism becomes problematic when these objectives are either unattainable or achievable only at a substantial personal cost. In such cases, it becomes challenging to maintain a positive self-perception.

Reasons for Being a Perfectionist

Here are some reasons people give for being perfectionists: 

• I take pride in doing things thoroughly and effectively.
• Accomplishing tasks that others find challenging brings me joy.
• Achieving excellence makes me feel unique.
• I prefer going to bed with all tasks completed.
• Knowing that I’ve given my best effort satisfies me.
• Being at the top of the class is something I enjoy.
• Efficiency is a quality I appreciate in myself.
• I find comfort in being organized.
• Being prepared for any situation is something I value.
• My well-organized nature ensures that I never lose anything.

How is Perfectionism Bad

There’s a great difference between aiming for excellence in a healthy way and pushing for perfection in a harmful manner.

Perfectionism comes with its challenges! Here are some drawbacks reported by perfectionists:

• I lack free time.
• No accomplishment feels sufficient.
• I blame myself if things aren’t done perfectly.
• I repeatedly review my work until it meets my standards.
• It bothers me when others don’t do things my way.
• I don’t trust others to do as well as I do, so I end up doing everything.
• I feel the need to do more and more to gain acceptance from others.
• The fear of failure prevents me from getting started.

Related: How to Control Perfectionism?

Are you a Perfectionist

Let’s determine if perfectionism is a concern for you. Evaluate the following statements to see if they are true for you:

• Nothing good comes from making mistakes.
• I must do things right the first time.
• I must do everything well, not just the things I know I’m good at.
• If I can’t do something perfectly, then there is no point in even trying.
• I rarely give myself credit when I do well because there’s always something more I could do.
• Sometimes, I am so concerned about getting one task done perfectly that I don’t have time to complete the rest of my work.

If you find yourself answering most of these questions with “True” or “Somewhat True,” perfectionism might be something worth addressing for you.

How Does One Become a Perfectionist

Answering this question isn’t straightforward, as everyone is unique. Our self-perception and worldview start shaping at an early age, influenced by experiences such as family, society, school, peer groups, and our temperament. Perfectionists often have experiences that prompt the adoption of a worldview emphasizing the pursuit of uncompromising high standards (e.g., “I must never make mistakes”).

It’s crucial not to assign blame, either to yourself or others, for perfectionism. However, reflecting on common early experiences that can contribute to its development may be helpful.

Direct learning through reward and positive reinforcement 

This plays a significant role in shaping behavior. When people praise your achievements, such as excelling in a school assignment, you learn that setting high standards for yourself brings positive feelings and is worth pursuing. 

As a result, you begin to develop beliefs like, “My parents appreciate my success at school,” which may later evolve into a broader belief such as, “People take pride in my accomplishments.” This belief system motivates you to strive for success continuously. 

However, over time, such beliefs can become rigid and inflexible, leading to thoughts like, “People will only be proud of me if I am successful.”

Direct learning: Punishment and the absence of positive reinforcement. 

When you face criticism or punishment for making mistakes, it can lead to negative feelings about yourself. For instance, a parent scolding a child for making a mess while playing may result in the child forming a belief like, “I must never make a mess; I must always be neat.”

Sometimes, the lack of positive reinforcement can also influence perfectionist tendencies. If, for example, you receive a “B” on an exam and your parents don’t express praise, you might develop a belief such as, “My parents aren’t pleased when I don’t get As.” 

Over time, this belief may generalize into thinking, “People are not proud of me when my work is less than perfect.” The absence of positive feedback can contribute to a perfectionistic mindset.

Indirect Learning: Role Models

Some perfectionists don’t recall being directly punished for mistakes and report that people around them were proud, regardless of their success level. In this form of learning, individuals observe and adopt behaviors based on the actions of people around them, often considered their ‘role models.’

For instance, if your parents consistently prioritized work, bringing it home even during nights or weekends, you might develop a belief such as, “Work is more important than relaxation.” 

Over time, this belief may solidify into a more inflexible thought like, “Succeeding at work is more important than anything else.” The behaviors modeled by significant figures in our lives can profoundly influence the development of perfectionistic tendencies.

Temperament

You might believe that being a perfectionist has been a part of you since birth. Some individuals recall having high standards from an early age, like crying for hours after losing a race, despite being told it wasn’t crucial. There’s evidence suggesting that an individual’s temperament can play a role in the development of perfectionism. 

Temperament refers to the consistent way you think, react, and behave, and it tends to be relatively stable over time, influenced in part by genetics. Studies indicate that people who avoid seeking novelty, rely heavily on external rewards, and persist in pursuing goals despite frustration and fatigue are more prone to developing perfectionism. However, having such a temperament doesn’t mean that your perfectionism cannot be changed.

Related: How to Control Perfectionism?

सारांश

Perfectionism is not just about achieving perfection; it’s about persistently striving for demanding standards and tying your self-worth to this pursuit, often at a significant cost to your well-being. People may develop perfectionist tendencies through various means, including direct and indirect learning experiences, as well as temperament. Perfectionists commonly hold strict and sometimes unrealistic rules and assumptions linked to attaining high standards, which can be unhelpful. While everyone has standards for self-evaluation, perfectionists often exhibit inflexible and inaccurate ones.

Reference: Perfectionism. Perfectionism Self-Help Resources – Information Sheets & Workbooks. (n.d.). https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Perfectionism