Perfectionism has both helpful and unhelpful aspects. If you decide that the unhelpful aspects outweigh the helpful ones, you are more likely to want to make a change.

Tackling perfectionism requires seeing the world in shades of grey, not black and white; it requires committing time and effort and being willing to try new things. Make a commitment to take on the challenge of tackling your perfectionism; it’s important.

Perfectionism Behaviors

Perfectionists often engage in various perfectionism behaviors, such as repeatedly checking work for mistakes, as they strive to meet unrelenting high standards. Just as thoughts influence feelings and behaviors, these behaviors often serve to uphold perfectionistic beliefs. 

The behaviors associated with perfectionism hinder the ability to determine whether these beliefs are accurate. For instance, someone who struggles to delegate tasks may believe it’s necessary to maintain high workplace standards. By avoiding delegation, the perfectionist fails to test the accuracy of their beliefs. 

Testing the accuracy of perfectionistic beliefs involves behaving differently. For instance, delegating a task to a colleague and observing whether it is completed to an adequate standard. 

Perfectionism behaviors can be categorized into actions taken due to perfectionism and actions avoided due to perfectionism.

Related: Why Is Perfectionism Bad?

Perfectionism Behaviors – Doing

What actions do you take in pursuit of your high standards, and possibly those of others? Perfectionists often involve themselves in behaviors they deem necessary but may appear excessive to others. This may include activities such as thorough checking, meticulous organization and list-making, and a tendency to correct others. 

What “doing” kind of perfectionism behaviors do you find yourself engaging in?

Perfectionism Behaviours – Avoiding doing

In an effort to uphold their unrelenting standards and evade the specter of ‘failure,’ many perfectionists resort to task avoidance. While this may not immediately appear synonymous with perfectionism, it essentially represents the flip side of the same coin as engaging in actions to meet those high standards. When perfectionists anticipate an inability to meet their lofty expectations, the fear of failure can be paralyzing. Some respond by procrastinating, postponing tasks indefinitely, while others thrive on last-minute urgency. There are also those who, if they believe they cannot execute a task to a satisfactory standard, opt not to attempt it at all.

What avoidance-type perfectionism behaviors do you find yourself engaging in?

The Next Step: Setting Goals for Change

Step 1: Select the initial area to focus on for your goal.

Pick a specific area in your life to begin applying the techniques discussed. It’s advisable to start with the easiest area, and once you’ve made progress, you can choose another area to work on.

Step 2: Modify your unrelenting high standards

Recognize the unyielding high standards that fuel your perfectionism in this aspect of your life. Subsequently, pinpoint a more reasonable standard. Consider what others would perceive as a healthy high standard that you can strive for.

Step 3: Recognize the perfectionism behavior linked to the identified standards. 

What actions do you take to maintain this unyielding high standard?

Step 4: Define a specific goal to reduce this perfectionism behavior. 

Ensure that the goal directly addresses the identified perfectionism behavior.

Step 5: Establish a time frame for achieving the goal. 

Consider a specific duration, like one month or six weeks. This timeframe will serve as a guide to assess whether you’ve successfully achieved your goal. If not, it’s an opportunity to reassess, considering whether the goal was too challenging or if the allotted time was insufficient (potentially indicating another instance of setting overly high standards).

Building Stepladders

It’s crucial to begin with a relatively easy task when loosening your unyielding standards, as embracing imperfection can be challenging. Starting with a manageable task and gradually progressing to more challenging ones may help. For instance, if someone feels compelled to scrub kitchen counters multiple times a day with bleach, they might start by using bleach just once a day and gradually reduce it to once a week.

Break down each goal into small, manageable steps, creating a ladder of steps leading toward your main goal. The number of steps depends on the stress level associated with the goal. A highly challenging goal may require more steps compared to a moderately challenging one. 

Completing a Step on the Stepladder

To complete each step, consider the following points:

Expect Some Anxiety:

Anticipate experiencing anxiety at each step of the process. Starting small allows you to adapt to the level of anxiety, preventing overwhelm. Facing these feelings gradually helps you get used to them and overcome your fears.

Persist:

It’s tempting to revert to perfectionism behaviors when discomfort arises. However, persist through the discomfort until the anxiety diminishes. Recognize that the uneasy, intimidating feelings are not harmful and will subside. If you give in when anxiety peaks, it may become more challenging to tackle the same step in the future. On each attempt, strive to ‘keep on keeping on.’

Climbing the Stepladder

Guidelines for progressing through each step towards your goal:

One Step at a Time

Start with the least challenging step and gradually work your way up. While anxiety may increase with each step, you also become accustomed to it. The goal at each step is to complete it independently.

Repetition is Key

Repeat each step frequently and consistently. Aim to perform each step in close succession to ensure comfort with the situation before moving on to the next one. Doing a step multiple times, preferably in a short period, helps you adapt quickly and become at ease. Acknowledge and celebrate your successes as you progress.

Acknowledge Steps Taken

When you reach a level of comfort with a particular step, recognize your achievements and acknowledge the progress you’ve made so far.

Dealing with Setbacks

Understand that some days may feel like a ‘stepback’ if a behavioral experiment doesn’t go as planned. In such cases, it’s crucial to repeat the step until you are comfortable with it.

Troubleshooting Setbacks

If a situation doesn’t go well, consider the following:

• Use a Thought Diary to challenge unhelpful thoughts.
• Set a specific time and date to retry the step (repeat it consistently).
• If the situation remains distressing, create an ‘in-between’ step that is slightly less distressing.
• Consider going back and repeating the previous step as a refresher, ensuring readiness for the next step. Think of these as ‘refreshers,’ similar to how people take courses to stay up to date.

Behavioural Experiments

Behavioral experiments play a crucial role in loosening the grip of perfectionism and facilitating progress toward your goals. They provide an opportunity to test and evaluate the accuracy of your perfectionistic beliefs in real-life situations.

Example 1:

Belief/Prediction:

“If I don’t leave so early, I’d arrive late, and it would be terrible, and they’d think badly of me.”

Perfectionism Behavior:

Arriving early to appointments by leaving 30 minutes before I need to.

Behavioral Experiment:

Leave only 15 minutes before I need to and see if I arrive on time.

Example 2:

Belief/Prediction:

“I will fail on any ‘healthy eating plan’ because there’s always a party or a dinner, and I’ll overeat.”

Perfectionism Behavior:

Delaying starting a ‘healthy eating plan.’

Behavioral Experiment:

Develop a healthy eating plan that allows for exceptions such as parties and evaluate its effectiveness.

Challenging Perfectionistic Thinking

There are three types of automatic thoughts:

• Neutral thoughts, e.g., “I think I will go shopping.”
• Positive thoughts, e.g., “This is something I can do well.”
• Negative thoughts, e.g., “I’m such a failure.”

Thoughts play a significant role in shaping our emotions and behaviors. While we constantly have thoughts, we may not always be conscious of them, leading us to underestimate their impact on our feelings and actions. Our reactions to situations are often more influenced by our perceptions or thoughts about the situation rather than the situation itself.

To minimize unhelpful thinking, it’s beneficial to recognize when negative automatic thoughts arise. One effective approach is to challenge these specific thoughts through the use of Thought Diaries.

Guidelines for Completing a Thought Diary:

Identify the ‘A’ or Activating Event:

Pinpoint the actual event, situation, thought, mental picture, or physical trigger.

Identify the ‘C’ or Consequences:

Determine the emotions felt during the event. Underline the most representative emotion, rate its intensity between 0 and 100, and note associated behaviors and physical sensations.

Identify the ‘B’ or Beliefs:

Ask yourself what thoughts or self-statements were present during the event. List all statements connecting A to C.

Identify the HOT Thought:

Choose the most distressing thought closely linked to the underlined emotion. Underline the HOT thought and rate your belief in it between 0 and 100.

Identify Unhelpful Thinking Styles:

Identify any thinking styles in operation. Refer to Module 3, Page 6, if necessary.

Detective Work:

For the HOT thought, ask: “What is the evidence for and against my HOT thought?”

Challenge Your Thoughts through Disputation:

Ask questions like: “How might someone else (not a perfectionist) view the situation? How else could I view the situation?”

Develop Balanced and Helpful Thoughts:

After considering evidence and disputation, replace the HOT thought with balanced, helpful thoughts.

Re-rate Emotion Intensity:

Re-rate the intensity of the underlined emotion between 0 and 100.

Re-rate Strength of HOT Thought:

Re-rate the belief strength in the original HOT thought between 0 and 100.

Adjusting Unhelpful Rules & Assumptions

Rules for Living: What’s Helpful and What’s Not

Establishing rules for living is a fundamental part of navigating the world and managing our daily lives. Having rules is not inherently negative; in fact, they can be beneficial. Helpful rules are characterized by being realistic, flexible, and adaptable. For instance, the rule that drivers should stop at red lights is an example of a healthy and reasonable rule. These rules allow us to adjust our behavior according to different situations.

On the contrary, unhelpful rules are those that are rigid, inflexible, and unreasonable. For example, adopting the belief that “I must never make mistakes” is unrealistic, as it’s unlikely to maintain such a stringent standard. This kind of unhelpful rule sets us up for feeling bad about ourselves because it’s neither possible nor reasonable to expect ourselves to never make mistakes.

Adjusting Unhelpful Rules & Assumptions

When creating a more helpful rule or assumption, you need to think of a different way to perceive yourself and the world. This new perspective should be balanced, adaptable to various situations, and realistic based on the actual circumstances.

To challenge your unhelpful rules and assumptions about perfectionism, follow these six steps:

Clearly identify your unhelpful rule or assumption.

Understand its origin or development.

Question the realism, reasonableness, or achievability of your rule.

Acknowledge the negative consequences of maintaining this rule.

Identify a more helpful rule or assumption to consider adopting.

Plan how you would implement this new, helpful rule or assumption in your everyday life.

Example: 

To challenge the fear of failure, consider the following:

Unhelpful Rule or Assumption:

“I must do things perfectly. I must not fail. “ If I put my work out there, then others will think badly of me.”

Origin of Rule or Assumption:

Possibly from messages received from family, past experiences of failure with negative consequences, or recent observations of societal attitudes toward success.

Unreasonable, Unrealistic, or Unfair Aspects:

It’s impossible to be perfect all the time; it’s reasonable to expect strengths and weaknesses. Making mistakes is normal, and one can’t control others’ opinions. Not trying hinders the possibility of success.

Negative Consequences:

Avoidance of trying, procrastination due to fear of failure, excessive effort and time spent on perfectionism, and limited free time.

Alternative, More Helpful Rule or Guideline:

“Not being perfect doesn’t equate to failure. Trying my best is reasonable; success varies across different areas. It’s okay to do things well rather than ‘perfectly.'”

Re-evaluating the Importance of Achieving

Perfectionists often show an excessive preoccupation with achievement and the relentless pursuit of high standards. Unlike most people who assess their self-worth or self-esteem through various aspects like relationships, hobbies, achievements at school or work, and other abilities, perfectionists tend to focus primarily on their accomplishments. 

Perfectionists tend to assess their self-worth almost entirely based on meeting their unrelenting standards, placing a significant emphasis on achievement. While they may have other interests, these gradually take a backseat in their lives. This self-evaluation system may stem from specific life experiences and positive reinforcement from those around them. Success and effort are often rewarded with praise, high marks, or workplace promotion, reinforcing the notion that achievement equates to being hard-working, conscientious, and intelligent—essentially, being valuable. Perfectionists start to believe their worth is tied solely to the pursuit and attainment of the high standards they set. 

Challenging Perfectionism Mindset

Taking a step towards easing your unyielding standards involves expanding how you assess yourself by incorporating various areas of your life.

Perfectionism can be viewed as a comprehensive set of beliefs or a mindset. To challenge this perfectionistic mindset, consider accepting and embracing change. Identify trigger situations for this mindset, much like recognizing scenes in a DVD. To counter perfectionism, eject the mindset and replace it with a balanced and healthy one.

Conclusion

Acknowledging that the detrimental aspects of perfectionism outweigh the helpful ones increases the likelihood of desiring change. Formulating an action plan can assist in staying on course to reduce perfectionism.

Recognizing your progress plays a crucial role in sustaining your achievements and keeping your motivation high.

Reference: Self-Help Resources – Information Sheets & Workbooks. (n.d.). https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself