Close relationships are essential to our lives. They shape who we are, impact our well-being, and influence our personal growth. Researchers Finkel, Simpson, and Eastwick (2017) identified fourteen core principles that explain how relationships form, function, and flourish. Let’s explore these principles in a straightforward way.

Related: Relationship Goals: 50 Things to Make Your Relationship Stronger

What Is a Relationship?

Uniqueness

Every relationship is unique. The outcomes depend not only on each person’s qualities but also on the unique dynamics that emerge when these qualities mix. A study by Anderson et al. (2003) shows how partners’ unique traits combine to create a one-of-a-kind relationship.

Integration

Relationships bring people closer by blending their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Aron et al. (1991) found that couples often feel a merging of identities, which leads to greater closeness and support.

Trajectory

The long-term path of a relationship depends on how partners perceive and interact with each other. Gottman and Levenson (2000) discovered that the way couples handle daily interactions predicts their long-term stability.

Evaluation

People constantly evaluate their relationships based on positive and negative experiences. Fincham and Bradbury (1987) found that these evaluations are crucial in determining relationship satisfaction and resilience.

How Do Relationships Operate?

Responsiveness

Being responsive to your partner’s needs is key to a healthy relationship. Reis and Shaver (1988) showed that responsiveness promotes intimacy and trust between partners.

Resolution

How couples handle conflicts affects their long-term happiness. Markman et al. (1993) highlighted that resolving conflicts constructively is vital for maintaining a strong relationship.

Maintenance

Committed partners engage in behaviors that help their relationship last. Rusbult et al. (1986) introduced the investment model, showing that investing time and effort in a relationship leads to higher commitment and lower chances of breakup.

What Tendencies Do People Bring to Their Relationships?

Predisposition

Our personalities significantly influence our relationships. McCrae and Costa (1991) found that traits like agreeableness and emotional stability are linked to higher relationship satisfaction.

Instrumentality

People bring specific goals and needs to their relationships. Murray et al. (2006) noted that meeting these goals and needs can determine a relationship’s success.

Standards

We all have standards that affect our relationship satisfaction. Simpson et al. (2001) discovered that when partners meet or exceed these standards, the relationship quality improves.

How Does the Context Affect Relationships?

Diagnosticity

Certain situations reveal a partner’s true intentions. Holmes and Rempel (1989) discussed how high-diagnostic situations help partners assess each other’s commitment and compatibility.

Alternatives

The presence of attractive alternatives can threaten a relationship. Thibaut and Kelley (1959) introduced the concept of comparison level for alternatives, indicating that the perception of better options can reduce commitment.

Stress

External stressors impact relationships. Karney and Bradbury (1995) proposed the vulnerability-stress-adaptation model, explaining how stress interacts with relationship processes to affect outcomes.

Culture

Cultural context shapes relationships. Cross-cultural studies, like those by Buss (1989), show that cultural norms and values influence relationship expectations and behaviors.

Conclusion

These fourteen core principles offer a comprehensive understanding of close relationships. By integrating these principles, we can better appreciate the complexities of our connections and work towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships. As relationship science continues to evolve, these principles will guide new research and practical applications, helping us deepen our understanding of this fundamental aspect of human life.

Reference: Finkel, E. J., Simpson, J. A., & Eastwick, P. W. (2017). The psychology of close relationships: Fourteen core principles. Annual Review of Psychology, 68, 383-411. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010416-044038